Welcome to my new blog! I am excited about this. While I was blogging on Caring Bridge, there were times that I read something compelling or the Holy Spirit had shown me something and I wanted to share it with everyone, but on Caring Bridge I always felt like the goal of the blog was to inform you of my health and so I always felt like a "patient" and didn't often post of anything that wasn't directly or indirectly health-related.
Here, I feel at liberty to post health updates but also, and more importantly, to share what God is doing in my life. I need this outlet. Over the last year and a half, I have watched my life shrink. As a stay at home mom who home schools, my circle of influence was already small. It has been painful to watch that sphere of influence waste away as friends I thought were close walked away, as activities I could no longer do fell away, as ministries that I have loved became impossible for me to participate in. Could this be one of the reasons I am experiencing this season in my life? So that God could whittle away the non essentials, force me to prioritize my life?
So, I am glad that God led me to Caring Bridge, and now here, where I can communicate with those that I care about and who care about me. There have been days that have gone by where the only communication I have is with my children and my husband. There have also been days where the only way I could communicate with friends is through blogging because my pain kept me from venturing out to spend time with those I love. Is this the best way to communicate? Perhaps not, but it will do for now.
From a health standpoint and as I mentioned in my last Caring Bridge post, I have several appointments coming up in the next couple of weeks. I am meeting with a new chiropractor later on today who comes highly recommended. I also have an appointment later in the week with a Christian therapist. I was encouraged when I called and talked with the therapist and he prayed with me before ending our call. He, too, comes highly recommended. Something I am struggling with right now is whether or not God would have me continue to seek answers from doctors. Through all of this, David and I have believed that while we continue to pray for healing, we should also understand that God not only heals supernaturally but He often will use the wisdom of a doctor or the benefits of a therapy to provide relief or healing.
I have had my faith shaken recently as fellow Christians have suggested that a lack of faith is what prevents healing. My knower knows this is not the case but my heart hurt at the thought. And then, I thought of my four little daughters who pray morning, noon and night that their Mommy might be healed or the little girl who sent me a card in the mail the other day and whose mother told me that her daughter prays for me every night that I might be healed. These little children have faith, probably more faith than I have. Do I really believe that the faith these children have, that are greater than that of a mustard seed means nothing? I know that if healing truly relied on faith then I would have been healed a hundred times over, not just because of the faith of my children, but based on the faith of my husband and I and all of those who have covered us in prayer. No, I don't think my healing hasn't come because I lack faith. So, I struggle. Do I drop all therapies and doctor visits and pray solely for a supernatural healing? What David & I keep coming back to is this - what if I had a broken leg? Would I sit at home and rely solely on a supernatural healing from God to mend my broken leg? I would if I felt the Holy Spirit me prompting me to do so, but more than likely, we would seek medical attention. And so, in this case of chronic pain, I am continuing to seek medical attention. Not because I lack faith, but because I believe that I cannot limit God's abilities. I cannot assume that He will only heal me supernaturally while I sleep (though that would be welcome). I cannot assume that He won't use a doctor or a therapist to lead me in the direction of healing. Though I miss the prompting of the Holy Spirit many times, I have also heard His voice enough to know that if I am doing something wrong, He will tell me. It may take a few tries before I quiet enough to hear, but I will Hear Him.
I pray this time you've spent reading isn't for naught, that it gives you pause to think and to pray and I look forward to writing again soon.
